Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Christian Dior, Roberto Cavalli, Prada, Dolce e Gabbana, Chanel, Missoni, Versace

* HANDBAGS 2 DIE 4 SHOULD B FROM DA ABOVE FASHION LABELS ( OR COPIES OF, ER, THAT IS, INSPIRED BY THEM)

Go get shiny, sparkly, dainty, furry, sequin-y handbags NOW as they r essential 2 finish an outfit when goin' out & both guys & girls will evaluate your status in clubland by them.

TRANSPORT PUBLIC BAR -- FEDERATION SQUARE, MELBOURNE

* Sleazy Skanks & Graffiti B-boys, C U all at Transport Bar this weekend 4 Xcellent people-watching. Wat a nice place 2 see EYE CANDY of both sexes, although da men there achieve sum level of sophistication above grunting, & they appreciate a nice dress/ skirt.

More about boys...

* Wood U Like 2 See Me With My Clothes Off?

That's exactly what most of the beefy very masculine guys in clubs & bars are constantly thinkin' about when they see sexy, pretty girls like me. I think I'm quite over being hit on by them unless they actually show somehow that they don't just wanna lift up my skirt 4 some raunchy action, like engaging in meaningful conversation. I think the less beautiful boys r more like that & they know how 2 treat a girl as a person.

Clubbing In Melbourne, Australia

This is what it's like 2 B a girl who experiences this beautiful city - an ongoing blog...

Why Do People Wear THAT When They Go Out?

* Women wear far 2 much black when they go out on the town. It makes them disappear; 2 become unnoticeable. I know black seems 2 B the new black... again..., but colour & pattern will always B noticed over black, especially by men, even if u like 2 think black gives u attitude or is 'fierce'. Girrls, there r 1000s of beautifully gorgeous colourful & patterned outfits & accessories out there 2 die 4 that will turn the heads of guys who look like Jake Wall on "Dancing On Ice", I'll betcha. Also, stop wearing tight jeans tucked into boots. U'll look like a whore! There's a reason men say they like 2 "go lookin' at the SKIRTS". Wearing 1 will draw them 2 u, particularly short or flippy 1s, unless u look over 50.

* Men always look good in a good suit, but 4 clubs or cool bars interestingly patterned shirts & even patterned trousers r great. Younger & less hairy guys should B bolder & even try sleeveless fitted tops & sexy non-undershirt singlets, which r allowed at most of the hipper bars & clubs in Melbourne. Tailored sneakers or sneaker-inspired shoes are good but not ones that look like u would wear them on a sprint track. Retro shirts look kookily hip & will draw admiring glances from cool girls at places like Seven niteclub, The Long Room, or HonkyTonks.

That's all I'll say 4 now. Tah tah, luvlees. Till next time, keep smooth,

Ling Ling